2019 – My Caterpillar year
You know when we were in high school and we used to write conversations and our teachers were so categorical that we did not need to write the title to our compositions first. As I was writing this today… my Caterpillar year is what came to my mind and the reason for this was because I am completely in awe of how much growth I have experienced this year. I had so many firsts:
- First time I was working outside Nairobi. I worked in Bomet county from November 2018 to November 2019. Bomet is small town in the heart of Rift Valley. It’s between Narok and Kisii. Having never lived alone before, I learnt so much about the importance of being organized in how you plan meals, keep your home clean, which are things I took for granted before. I learnt the importance of protecting the sacredness of my peace by praying, being careful who I gave my energy to and at what point. I learnt the importance of setting boundaries for what you allow and disallow in your life. Most of all I got time away to meditate on my life. To think through the desires of my heart in my career, my friendships. I re-discovered the love I have in my heart for my family and even more, this is the year I taught myself what it meant to be loving of my own being. I remember turning 24 while in Bomet and being curious about how transformative 23 and 22 had been. I came to the strong understanding that I loved having a strong work ethic. That every day when I stepped into my work – place I wanted to give my best.
- First time I drove a manual car. A skill that everyone should acquire. I remember the fear I had when I got to drive the car for the very first time and I am so grateful for the patience it taught me.
- First time I learnt that sometimes we put ourselves and those that we care about on pedestals of expectations mired with our thoughts and beliefs of what good is, of what makes them valuable to us. In this process we forget that as human beings we are so inevitably flawed and as a result learning how to forgive yourself when you fall short of what you think you should have done and did not do, or who you should have become and did not. In this process a lot of healing and personal comes from the self-acceptance that emanates from it. I learnt that everyone in life is on a different journey, we are not the same, occasionally you will find people with whom you share values with, our prerogative is to accept them, there is no need to try to change anyone to adapt to your beliefs, and even worse, be wary of people who make you feel like you must change fundamentals parts of your being to accommodate them in your life.
- First time I saw a therapist. Something we should all honour our beings by doing.
- First time I had a constant remind that progress over perfection is important on any day.
- First time I discovered that there is something you learn from travel that you cannot learn any other way. I travelled to Brazil alone. I promise you there is a blog post coming here on the same. What I know for a fact is that if I was writing a book, I would go and write it in Rio because I have never felt so inspired and healed in my life.
- First time I learnt that there is more healing that comes from forgiveness of ourselves and others than holding on to grudges that leave us feeling bitter and victimized.
- That there is never a perfect time to start on something you want, to continue with something you stopped, that in the realm of success there is only room for those that who stood up and did something.
I cannot for the butterfly I will be in 2020, I hope you find yours too.
When I wrote this post I was under the influence of seasons by Hillsong Worship